Yesterday was an interesting day. I spent most of it browsing a blog dedicated to enlightening people to the dangers of the narcissist.
A contributing factor to the decline into alcoholism for me was a hellish 3 year relationship. Although it ended two years ago, I am still haunted by the words and actions of the ex. While in the relationship, I knew there was something ‘not right’ about his behaviour, but he was so good, so darn good, at twisting everything around until I either couldn’t remember why I was angry with him, or he had successfully convinced me that whatever it was, it was all my own fault. That, combined with his desire to alienate me from family and friends, lead to a heady combination of manipulation. It didn’t end well. I will no doubt elaborate further on this in due course.
Reading through the blog I found, I am convinced that the ex was a narcissist. Boxes were being ticked as I read. I knew it! So, having slept on this revelation, and having woken with a clear head, I’m feeling pretty good today, a bit of a fug has been lifted.
So, here is to day 1 of sobriety. Its not over yet, and I still have to run the gauntlet of the supermarket to buy the replacement booze, and even writing this was triggering as I’m now thinking, hmmm, its Friday, how nice would it be to have something lovely for dinner and wash it down with a nice glass of wine. And yes it would be lovely, but it certainly wouldn’t be just one glass of wine, now would it?