I give up counting

I have no willpower.  Well, not when it comes to alcohol.  I gave up smoking overnight, and I can still have the odd one now and again (usually the result of boozing) but I never feel the urge to have another one after.  Even when I have a crappy day, I can think, ‘ah, how nice it would be to have a rollie and smoke my troubles away’, but I never do because I know my lungs will feel like sandpaper the next day and I hate the smell on my breath and clothes.  Why can’t I apply this logic to alcohol?  It just doesn’t work.

I didn’t drink Sunday or Monday, but I also didn’t sleep, waking up at 3am both nights.  I did make some headway with ‘The Chimp Paradox’ however.  And even Prof Peters says willpower alone is useless.  You need strategy to learn how to manage the naughty chimp, and man, is my chimp a mean one.  He simply will not get with the programme.  I feel like I’m standing shouting at him, finger pointed, while he is dancing a jig and blowing raspberries.  But as the book says, the chimp is like a dog, if your dog bites someone, you cant say, well, it wasn’t my fault, it was the dog.  You are the owner of your own chimp, you are responsible.

Talking of dogs, mine is a bit sick.  She is having a reoccurring bladder problem.  I spent a huge amount of money at the vet, just to be told they can’t help until I take a sample for analysis, and then that will cost more money.  Add this on to an already stressful day, and my chimp was reaching for the wine at lunchtime if it had the chance.  I went into autopilot on the way home and bought pizza and a 3/4 bottle of red which I’m drinking out of my pint glass of doom. Shame, oh the shame.  And its only Tuesday!

I should be able to make an appointment with the GP as of tomorrow, so I will keep you posted on what comes out of that.  I have high hopes, given the amount of info there was online about resources in the area etc., but previous experience of how the health service deals with mental health also doesn’t fill me with confidence. So we shall see.



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