Its now been 4 days since I last drank, and 4 days since I started taking citalopram, and…… So far so good. I’ve really not felt like drinking at all. My stomach still feels a bit off, i’m struggling to eat much and i’m craving fruit juice more than anything. Its unlikely that the pills are having much of a benefit in such a short space of time, although I do seem to be quite sensitive to drugs. Its probably more likely that my entire system is just happy for a reprieve, and that I feel relief that I’m getting help and starting to take control.
I’ve had a really relaxing weekend, I got an order of organic fruit and veg, and bought myself one of those smoothie blenders that are popular at the moment. And I can see why. You can even buy ready made frozen mixes from the supermarket. I bought a load. My plan of attack at the moment is to focus all my mental energy on health and nutrition. Before I ingest anything, I want to stop and think, do I need this, is it good for me?
This weekend I also gave the house a good clean, recycled some old clothes, and some bottles (!), and had some quality cuddles with the dog. I think she appreciated having a weekend off from the crazy drunk lady.
I also had a confrontation with a dog walker. Which is not like me, I hate confrontation, I usually shy away from it at all costs. But maybe it was because I wasn’t hungover, or because I’m trying to take control of my life, I spoke out. There’s a massive problem where I live with dog poop, and as a dog owner, I get a lot of grief from people thinking my female dog is pooping when she’s peeing, and that I’ve not picked up. I’m a religious picker upper! Anyway, it really gets to me, and on our walk yesterday a lady in front of us with 4 dogs blatantly walked passed her dog pooping and didn’t pick it up. So I calmly walked up and said, ‘Oh excuse me, your dog just pooped, are you going to pick it up?’ To which I got a mouthful of abuse! Charming! But I stood my ground, and as I walked off, I felt an amazing rush of adrenaline. It felt so good to have acted on something, and not walked passively on, thinking, oh I wish I had the confidence to say something, which I would usually have done. Small victories!
All this is well and good, but I know i’m in the ‘first flush’ of recovery, and there will be struggles ahead. I can already hear a small voice in the back of my mind whispering that I don’t really have a problem with alcohol, I’m just being melodramatic, and after a weekend off, I can have a drink.