Relapse.**Edited

I made it 14 days without drinking.  And for 13 of those days I didn’t even think about drinking with any real desire to drink.  I felt great, I even managed to run a 10 km race.

But then day 13 struck, and I literally struck a pheasant most likely killing it and down we went.  In all honesty I cant even begin to describe why I wanted a drink.  I’ve been referred to an addiction clinic and they sent me a diary to fill in when I drink (set me up to fail why don’t you), but it asks, ‘Why did you start drinking today?’ and in all honesty, I could answer, ‘No reason at all’.  Today has been fine.  Nothing bad happened, nothing at all.

** My original post then went into some drunken ramblings that when read in the cold light of day, were a bit melodramatic and not very helpful for anyone trying to find inspiration in following a sober blog.  So I deleted!!

On a more positive note, last nights bottle of wine did prove that as someone said in their comment, alcohol is a depressant.  For 14 days I’ve been in a good mood, no feelings of uselessness, feeling pretty content to go to bed early and read a book, waking up with a clear head.  Then bam! Add wine and instant self loathing.

Moving forward, I know I don’t need to drink anymore, I made it 14 days, so  I know I can do it!

 

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6 thoughts on “Relapse.**Edited

  1. If you can only know that your struggle is encouraging. How you say…because you are honest, you went 14 days as compared to my 6 whereupon I got blackout drunk. I just want to say thanks. This is my day 4 after my debacle of last Saturday. Keep running! I went for a 2 mile walk today. It was good. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s hard to realize in the thick of heavy drinking that drinking causes depression. As you continue in your sobriety, the dark thoughts you’re having will really lessen. You’ve got to give your brain a chance to heal.
    Two weeks is huge step in that direction. Well done!!
    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi, I was really saddened to read of your struggles. This was me up until a couple of years ago, last year I managed to space out the drinking a bit more but had more of a binge where bad things happened each time, I fell and smashed my face in etc, this year I am really determined and have drank twice in 62 days and regretted both times. You are on the right track. There is a good blog circle on here, who are really supportive, loads of books to read and lots of people like you and me at different stages of this journey. You are not alone x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the kind words. I really am blown away by how supportive people are. It really is a comfort to know im not alone. Sorry to hear about your struggles, but it sounds like you are doing really well now! x

      Liked by 1 person

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