Disaster.

My ‘recovery’ hasn’t started yet, its actually getting worse.  I obsessed about wine on the drive back, then did the whole drank a bottle, ordered takeaway with another bottle, blacked out and work up this morning hating every cell in my body.

I couldn’t tell you the last night I slept not under the influence.  The empty bottles are stacking up, my bank balance is going down, and I’m getting mentally and physically sicker.

This needs to stop.  I’m not even giving the pills a chance with all the drinking.  I’m a total wreck.

I really underestimated what a grip this has on me.  I guess I thought I would write some blog posts, take some pills and i’d be sorted, alcohol free in a week.  I didn’t think I would end up drinking for days on end, missing work, wasting money and generally living a miserable existence.

I just seem to have this amazing ability to talk myself back into drinking.

I am DONE with all this. DONE!  I can’t be this person any more.  Go on brain, just you try and talk me into drinking again, just try it!  I’m not having it!  You have turned me into something I hate, but from this moment on, I’m taking control.  You can try and convince me of all the reasons why we should drink again, but im not listening.  This has gone on way to long, but its over now.

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One thought on “Disaster.

  1. My experience is that “not drinking” for an alcoholic is the beginning of the problem. I’m alcoholic between my ears. Until I did something about what was going on between my ears, I obsessed and thought about alcohol as a solution. The question is, “What are you willing to loose before you change the way you think?”

    Liked by 1 person

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