Right, lets get it all out in the open. I had a horrible binge on Sunday because I knew I was off work on the Monday. Someone recommended Jason Vale’s book ‘Kick the Drink Easily!’ which I read in one sitting. And it really hit home. He totally shatters the whole illusion of alcohol, that there really are no benefits to alcohol whatsoever, and that we are basically brainwashed from childhood into believing that alcohol needs to be part of our lives. All it is is a toxic, highly addictive drug, like heroin, like cocaine, no different, other than its legal and practically poured down your throat every day.
His words resonated with me, and I could feel my attitude to alcohol change. I now understand that the battle is due to our subconscious still believing that alcohol is good, and we need it, even though I consciously want to stop drinking it.
I didn’t drink all week, and although I felt a bit ropy, sleeping badly and feeling a bit low in energy, I still felt great knowing that I was free of the trap. Then I had my counselling session.
And I went straight to the shop and bought a box of wine. I poured one glass, and even looked at it for a while before I drank it. It tasted foul, but I went back for more. I woke up about 2am, went into the kitchen and poured the leftover wine down the sink. Bleurgh.
So in summary, yes, I drank again, but I really didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy the taste, and even though I drank to passing out, I could feel that I wasn’t enjoying the experience of getting drunk and feeling all messed up.
I got up this morning and did damage control. Deleted some overly gushing comments on Instagram ( ), checked my internet history (hours of watching music videos on Youtube), and, oh wait, what the heck is that? ‘Thank you for your purchase on Amazon’?! I’ve drunkenly bought myself some hair dye, a pair of Converse and a checked shirt.
Oh well, it could be worse. I’ve got an expensive month coming up, so really shouldn’t have bought stuff for me, but you know what? These new clothes are gong to symbolise my new life Alcohol Free. I’m done with it. Last night broke the illusion once and for all. I don’t even enjoy drinking anymore. I can’t kid myself any longer that I enjoy it and it helps me relax. It doesn’t. It tastes awful, it makes me irritated if anything, and all the rest that we know only too well.
I’m off work until Tuesday for the Easter holidays, so there are bound to be lots of triggers due to being alone on the hols, no boyfriend, no children etc etc, but I’m going to take it on the chin and gain strength from each time I shoot those cravings down.
Happy sober hols!!